Yesterday,…..the long polite level of silence snapped………… One too many…..challenging statements …. the last of the nasty indignant stares, I could take…… The same old tornado of WTF and bullshit… spun around the room… back and forth…. Stigma lives in my house….it robs me of being heard and it robs me of being understood, it steals my value in the eyes and thoughts of others who hold key positions in my life…… They hold them because I Love them…. What they do and say matters to me….. So the room was splashed and tainted with anger and frustration……. No true statements really heard……. Lots of picking apart my wordage….. and …Why do you make that face?… ….Don’t tell me how I am acting…. Take it so far from the real issues, that I voiced defend, deny and deflect then re-direct it away always…………..and so Yes, ….It’s always the same old argument, I’m sorry I even tried………. After, It took an hour of …. …..it doesn’t really matter, it does even matter…. muttered to myself…..over and over ….. ……to semi-fight off a huge anxiety attack, afew escaped tears and my Lorazepam to really breath normally, but nothing takes away the feeling like I have fallen back lower at least 10 steps deeper and after each event like this, a little part of me stops feeling and believing inside…… like nerve endings dying cause that’s where I send the pain, and the numbness gains ground. The only emotion that can live in the numb is Hate…. It’s blind Hate, that doesn’t care of the damage it causes….. It doesn’t worry about what’s left in it’s wake….. There’s a taint to today, like a color haze….. and all because ….Stigma lives in my house……… dee/dew0319 ….. : [ …………. ** groggy thought about this all night, Hope it make sense… needed to get it out of my head and still waking up*****